A Time for Reflection.

“Words do not express thoughts very well; every thing immediately becomes a little different, a little distorted, a little foolish. And yet it also pleases me and seems right that what is of value and wisdom of one man seems nonsense to another.”

― Siddhartha Gautama

One of the most memorable years in a long time has wrapped up finally. It’s hard to believe that so many events can fit in a 365 day year. They will certainly write about this time in the history books. And we have all managed to live through it in some fashion or another.

This year has been scary and uncertain. Many times it felt like the sky was falling and life as we knew it was certainly on the brink of collapse. Life and livelihoods have both been lost and upended suddenly. Chaos seemed to rule these last 12 months and we somehow pulled through. And while we are still living during a time where a pandemic is raging during the second wave, this post will not be about that. This post will be about what was and what has been.

This was my 2020.

Like most of us, my year started out with a very different plan than the one that I wound up living. This was going to be my year to live my life. I had finally come around to, not really getting over the loss of my father, but finally coming to terms with it. To maybe being able to sit with this and move forward. I had two trips planned that were going to help me find some parts of myself that I had maybe been too afraid to experience in the previous year and a half. We all know how those plans turned out.

Before I knew it, I was cancelling flights and postponing trips to see friends and family. Next thing that happened was being told that I would not be working in the foreseeable future. Thankfully, Living in a small town, there was not as much risk of getting sick as there would be in a larger metropolis.. And there wasn’t much of a social change.

All of the sudden though, I had nothing but time, with nothing to do.

This is a scary proposition for someone who is used to being busy. After spending a few days cruising the news sites from around the world and scaring myself into thinking the world might be ending, I figured this would actually be a golden opportunity do so some self discovery and soul searching in my own home. And that’s what I did.

I spent my days doing things that I had always wanted to do or doing things that I told myself that I “Would do if I ever had the time”. I got the opportunity to read some amazing books, increase my run distances, teach myself some HTML, and take dads old golf clubs out for some rounds of golf. All of this alone time really has allowed me to work through some of my own personal demons as well as allowed me to really become someone who is my own person. And someone, that dare I say… I love. I learned to do everything independently. Learned that it’s okay to be alone. I learned to make some great cocktails and have really discovered a deep seated passion for cooking. Through all of this as well I met some really incredible people that I otherwise probably wouldn’t have if life had have gone on as normal.

That’s not to say that this year hasn’t been a really awful and trying year, with the constant threat of getting sick, the sudden aversion we have to science, and the loneliness that comes from this latest shut down. It is to say that there have been some very pleasant outcomes personally to what has happened.

I guess this year was my year, just one that came about in a more chaotic fashion. As I move into the new year I have a new and clear set of goals that lie ahead of me and I have hope that I haven’t felt in a very long time. It’s a very welcome end to this time in history.

As we go into a new year… Let’s remember to take care of each other, and love each other. This is not over just because the clock has restarted.

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