Find Someone Who’s In Your Corner

And don’t settle for anything less.

I am by no means an certified, trained, or professional relationship counselor or life coach. Being someone who is well into my 30’s however, I have learned a thing or two about being in a relationship. I’ve also come to learn a lot about existing in life and finding a way to grow as a human.

I’ve written and rewritten this many times and I’ve debated whether or not to post it however, if my advice can help at least one person than I think it’s worth it.

There’s nothing worse than being with someone who is there to watch you fail. In the short term it can be an inconvenience or a cautionary tale to tell friends down the road. In the long term, it can cause serious problems and can set back your personal goals, ambitions, and dreams by years.

A negative relationship can result in anxiety, depression, low self esteem, isolation, and stagnation in personal growth.

This is my story….

After years of being with partners and friends that had a negative impact on my life, I’m still dealing with the consequences. This is not going to be a post that is solely to bitch about them. This post is not intended to drag people through the dirt, but rather share an experience. All of these relationships are things that I carry with me even now. Their voices still echoing in my head. This past year has been a major turning point in my own personal growth and I can honestly say, that these are the best years of my life for a few different reasons.

For years I was afraid to go out and try new things. I was told for years that I was incapable of pursuing most things that I wanted to do. Either because I didn’t have the dedication, drive, or skill, or that it simply was something that was not what my partners may have wanted. You could say “Why did you listen to them?” however, we all know, that that’s not something that is easily done when it’s someone that you look up to and respect. Words may be just words but they’re powerful. Years of being talked down to by someone who is supposed to see you as your equal can make it difficult for you to believe in yourself. This is something I still wrestle with. I still doubt my ability to do what might benefit me in my career or in my personal life. I still run into scenarios where I will talk myself out of trying something or pushing for something just because the back of my brain is trained to tell me I will never achieve anything. Though, I’ve been able to quiet those voices over the years and they are now just whispers.

This change was something that I started before I was with my current partner but it has been something that’s accelerated by him. Every thought, or whim I’ve had in the last two years has been met with “You absolutely should!” instead of “What would you do that for?” and it’s something that’s helped me achieve more milestones in the last two years than I had for many years before that. It’s amazing what you can achieve when you receive words of love and encouragement instead of words that are critical and hateful.

I feel like an unstoppable force of nature now and I’m finding myself having to reign in my own ambitions strictly from a “Time in my day” stand point. I can’t wait for the coming years to play out and to really truly become someone that I’m proud of, living a life that I can’t stop smiling, with someone that stand beside me as an equal but someone who is also there to catch me if I fall. Your partner should be the last person that you are up in arms against. And don’t settle for it.

“What we find in a soul mate is not something wild to tame, but something wild to run with.”

― Robert Brault